7.11.2013

I'm Having A Moment

Watching Kennedy toddle around the house earlier (cutest thing ever, by the way) something occurred to me: I can't remember the last time I saw her crawl.  It has only been a day or two... Or maybe three.  I'm sure.  Wait maybe I'm not so sure.  Anyway... It hasn't been very long, but I can't remember it!!  I remember watching her crawl, heck I can even remember the first time she crawled, but I can't remember the last time.

Wait the last time?  Does that mean she is never going to crawl again?

Waaaaahhhhh......

My baby is a toddler.

::cue tears::  ok let me be honest, I practically sobbed on my steering wheel the whole way home from school.

Oh my gosh... How did this happen?  When did this happen?  WHY did this happen??

I waited so anxiously and was so excited for her first steps.  I couldn't wait for her to walk around and hold my hand.  Now... Well now I just want my teeny tiny little baby girl back.

So after I wallowed in self pity at the thought of my little girl growing up, marveled over the fact that her first birthday is right around the corner and cried some more at the idea of her one day not needing me anymore... I pulled in the driveway and opened the door to find her stumbling and toddling her way over to me yelling "mama, mama."  She couldn't get to me fast enough.  As I knelt down to pick her up, I had to push away the thought that there will come a day where she doesn't run into my arms or call me "mama"... A day where I won't be able to scoop her up and hold her close.  And I, of course, cried some more (when did I become such a cry baby anyway?). 

I realize that she does need me.  She will always need me, maybe someday more than I need her... But that is unlikely.  And that day is definitely not today.  This wobbly little toddler is my world.

I cuddled her extra tight tonight.  Time is just flying by way too fast.  I wish i could slow it down.  We have so many more memories to make.  I must do better at savoring every moment and remembering every little thing.  There will be so many more firsts... And lasts for us.  I don't want to let another one slip by.

I still can't believe she is here and that she has grown so much.  She walks, talks, signs, feeds herself (although still nurses like a little piglet... I dread the day that she wants to wean)... But no matter how big she gets and whether she is walking, running or driving a car... She will always always always be my baby girl. 

This is what i found when i went to check on her just now.  I think she will always be Daddy's little girl too... Don't you?